A Heritage from the Lord

Update

2011-08-22T19:17:00.000-07:00

I have had many ask and figured I could post a quick note:

James and I flew down to Georgia Tuesday, August 9th, to pick up a sweet baby girl. We flew back Sunday, August 14th, without a baby.

There was much that happened in those days and I can say that our hearts are grieved. At this time, we are taking a small break to heal and recoup and will post more information on our next steps after we have processed it entirely ourselves. I'd be lying if I said this didn't cause doubts in my own mind, as the emotions go from numbness, anger, grief, sadness and so on.

Thank you to all who have prayed and cared for us along this way. We believe in adoption and believe our family, Lord willing, will do so in the right timing.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

Melanie & James

Blessings and Blessings

2011-07-31T21:15:00.000-07:00

Well, as it turns out, the rummage sale was a HUGE undertaking when you have over 50 families and people donate things! We got rid of so much stuff, but I so feel the way the disciples must have felt after Jesus produced more than enough food for the 5,000 and still had left overs.

Our garage was overfilling with items and as we tallied up, the total was over $2,200!! God is so awesome and we feel so blessed that so many of you had us in your prayers, came to support and buy some goods and dropped items off. Because the garage is still pretty full, we are contemplating doing another last bit this Thursday and Friday. A few of the families didn't even have time to drop off their things, and so we still have over 11 tables, a solid oak table and chair set, futon bunk bed, an old school antique couch, among other things. Our family needed a rest and some time to be away, and we were so blessed to go up to Lake of the Woods last weekend with our neighbors. It was beautiful, I will need to post some pictures!

The last couple weekends we had an emotional roller coaster, where in the end, we feel that God has stretched us beyond words and has increased our faith and trust in Him. I was very convicted of not trusting in Him and being so full of fear that things might fall through, or that I will have to come home and try again to explain to two very excited bigger siblings why it just didn't happen. I am confident moving forward with this mom, but life is messy. Adoption usually never stems from a great situation and there are people involved that are just outside of my control. So, we called on the saints for prayer and really feel encouraged with what He has done.

Lately, I have been reading Charlotte's Web to the kids, and I want to savor these times. I get so busy that I forget to just be quiet and let them tell me everything that is on their hearts. Tonight, Carter and I were talking about the changes that will be taking place here and asked if he had any questions. His most pressing question about the baby was this, "Can we teach her to do back flips off the diving board with me?" I said yes, maybe when she is 7 or 10 or something. He replied with, "Yeah, or maybe when she's 20." Yes, maybe.

Graycie has been so excited too, although she's not wondering about back flips. She wants to help feed and love on our little 'sweetie'. She doesn't refer to 'daughters' as daughters, but as 'sweetie's'. Its awesome. At four-years-old, she is very excited to share a room...I am hoping that it lasts a bit longer!

We are a week away from having a baby and I'm amazed that time has gone by so quickly. I will soon be signing off of some social media due to the nature of the adoption, but will hopefully keep up the blog!

Thank you for your prayers!

Adoption Fundraising Rummage Sale!

2011-07-12T07:25:00.000-07:00

So, as many of you know, we are having our rummage sale this week. We are absolutely astounded at the response we received. So many of you have dropped things off, arranged to have things dropped off and many of you did this completely anonymously!

My friend Lindsay came over and looked at the amount of things donated as she sat and stared at our garage and simply said, "I see God". We agree. His provision has been so amazing and encouraging and the fact that He has used so many of you to accomplish His purpose is amazing. The last couple weeks I have been running around trying to get all of these things done, and this morning I am reminded that really without Him working through this, none of this would have happened. It's funny how we lack faith and don't trust that He has what is best for us in mind.

When we lost Zion in Memphis, my heart broke. I felt like it shouldn't, because a lot of people said, "You have two healthy children, be grateful." I know it's true, I do have to healthy, beautiful, soft-hearted, sweet children, but a child doesn't replace a child. It was a unique sense of loss and then guilt for feeling like I shouldn't be mourning because I have a couple other children was downright confusing. I knew something more was to happen. Since we came back, it seems like everything has been harder. Sometimes it just feels like we are treading water. It only occurs to me that I am trying to do life alone, when I feel like I'm about to drown. I have been broken, loved, encouraged, sad, happy, emotional, weepy and numb and my response to His generosity isn't always gracious.

I want to thank so many of you for your love, prayers and encouragement. I was going to be as reserved as possible regarding our new birth mother and situation because I didn't want the public heartbreak we had last time. It seems it's easier to mourn when no one knows than to be repeatedly faced with the fact that we've experienced a public loss. People don't know what to say and most of the time and don't say much because it's sort of awkward. People think in order to speak into a situation, they must first have gone through it. When we see something that we haven't experienced, many times, we say nothing. Silence is ok sometimes too. It's just sort of nice to sit silent with someone.

When we live in private loss, it's easy to give our 'public self' to others that says, "I'm great, I'm awesome, I'm not phased by this!" The reality, is that I've had to repent of my desire to control my feelings so that my 'public self' can maintain in the midst of confusion. I've been faced with the sin in my life that wants to look put together, when inside I'm falling apart. Matt Chandler coined the phrase, "It's ok not to be ok, it's just not ok to stay there." I think the last few months have been up and down, but I think we are finally coming out of "there".

Some of the things that have mattered so much to me have been a friend, Missy, showing up to my house to buy groceries for us--I sent her off with my coupons, a list and some cash. She doesn't have kids, but apparently realized that shopping with a 4 & 5-year-old isn't exactly enjoyable. Another friend, Nate, comes to haul furniture in and out of our garage as we try for the sale and then tells us to go to bed as Zach finishes our dishes. It's nothing huge, but the burden is lightened and we live in community who cares. My friend Joni has come repeatedly, with chicken nuggets, fries and fruit for the kids as we sort...and sort...and sort through the cloths in the garage! It's such a blessing and I have been so encouraged and humbled by others desire to serve.

So...about this baby girl: the due date is August 8th, however, predictions are looking like she will come around July 23. She's in Georgia and we will all go down--we're not sure if we can all fly or if the kids and I will drive, but we will all be there. Leaving the kids last time was so hard and we feel like they need to play a bigger role in ushering in the newest Iverson. We'll be staying somewhere around Savannah, Ga. We don't really know yet, because we can't exactly plan when we will be there. Tickets, rental cars, drive throughs and sleepless nights await and we are excited. We will keep people posted on what's happening, because I feel like everyone around us has played such a huge role in the adoption, it would only seem right to let you know what's up. Some things can't be public, in the interest of the child, closed/open adoption, etc.

But, you can at least have a part of this journey with us. In the meantime...(a shameless plug, I know)...come and shop!!! I'll try and post some pictures of what we have, but there is so much and we want it all to go:)

Looking forward to some sun!

2011-05-30T12:33:00.000-07:00

So, now that we have been home for over a month post-Memphis, much has happened. Nothing really dramatic or crazy, really just life. As soon as we returned the kids were pretty confused as to why we didn't bring their brother home. As soon as we picked them up, I just wanted to hold them and not let them go. There is something so healing about just reading and cuddling with Carter and Graycie.

When they asked where their brother Zion was, our explanation was just that their sibling wasn't ready to come home with us yet. I was cuddling with Carter before bed last week and he asked again why the baby didn't get to come home. I simply told him that when we left, we thought Zion was an orphan. When we got there and everything happened, we found out that he wasn't an orphan and still had a mom who was going to raise him. Carter started to cry, and then so did I. But, shortly after he also asked why he didn't get to play Wii that day and seemed to be quite emotional over that as well, but sometimes even kids just need a good cry.

Children are so sweet. It's hard to figure out what is age specific for them, without shielding them from seemingly difficult truths. I know this experience will shape them and their views and as we all grow as a family.

Many people have asked us if we are still pursuing adoption. Yes. This was devastating, but it isn't the end. There is no other reason, than self-protection, not to pursue it. We have been matched with another birth mother and are excited.

We are so blessed and feel like counting the blessings and thanking the Lord just isn't enough. So, as we wait for the next step, we are certainly not just watching the clock. Life is happening fast and it's great.

Our first year of 'homeschooling' Pre-K is done and we're moving on to kindergarten for Carter. He gets just a little fussy with me every now and again, but overall I am very proud of how he is willing to learn from his mom. Carter is most excited for T-ball and football to start, which is exciting for the whole family.

Graycie will be four this July as well, and she is so excited for a birthday party! She's very interested in dressing herself, multiple times a day and giving her opinion on just about anything. Our family will be gardening with friends and family for the first time ever, so I can't stinking wait for some fresh food! Graycie has staked her claim in the front yard's old flower bed as her personal garden, so this should be fun:)

Thanks for your prayers and love and know that we are so grateful and blessed and looking forward to whatever God will be doing in the days and months to come as He wills.

Beautiful Feet

2011-04-21T14:09:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been about a week and a half since the last blog. I don't blog frequently, but because so much has happened and there are so many things that have updated since our last post, I thought I should post again.

James and I stayed in Memphis for the week after Camille chose to parent her youngest child. It was a week of ups and downs to say the least. A time away was good in a lot of ways: we were stripped of the distractions at home that keep us from processing what exactly happened; we had no one to really talk to but each other; and there wasn't much we felt like doing, so we were forced to see areas of weakness in our lives and the implications that would have coming home to our two beautiful children.

The time away wasn't so awesome because we found ourselves somewhat isolating from those who care so much for us. It's easy to give someone space...especially when they specifically say, "We need space!" What we didn't need to do, was try and carry the burden alone. In some ways, we didn't let others in to help process because we ourselves didn't exactly know how to process.

So, the bitter seems to always come with sweet. Early last week, my sister told me of a family with three children. When they adopted their youngest, the birth mother took the child back. In three days, she contacted the family and said she just couldn't parent this baby because he was up all night and she decided she couldn't do it. This mom mentioned to my sister she would pray that our little Zion would cry all night long, if that be God's will. Camille had asked a couple times if we would be willing to move forward with the adoption if it was too hard, maybe after a month or so. We didn't plan that it would go down like that, but we just didn't know what to expect.

As the week progressed and we tried to pray and read and press in to the Lord, it was difficult not to just go numb and pass time sight-seeing. It felt like eternity to be away from our children who we just wanted to hug and kiss and hold. Camille expressed an interest to visit with us to the social worker last Wednesday. We had some scheduling issues with cars and rides, but agreed that Friday at 4 p.m. would work.

I had no idea what to expect from this meeting. James wrote a letter explaining the gospel and we bought her an ESV, as we knew she only had a bible with the Gospels in it. We waited about 40 minutes at a restaurant and sipped on some sweet tea. We were both sort of nervous and curious as to what the meeting would bring.

When she arrived, she brought a gift. I think we were all so nervous and somewhat emotional--I know I got teary! We gave her our gift and explained why it was important to us that she had it. She handed me the little gift bag. Inside it was a bracelet that had the the initials of the baby (the name she named him) and a little charm of a boy and a tiny rock that said "faith". She said it was a gift to her from her sister, to remember him by when they thought she would be saying goodbye forever. She decided, now that he was staying with her, it would mean more to me to remember him. I was honored, but my heart hurt and I tried not to cry. It was such a bitter sweet feeling of loss and thoughtfulness.

I nervously asked how he slept at night, maybe hoping a little that he cried. "Like a rock," she said. "He sleeps all day and all night." She proceeded to say that her kids would run in and out of the room and he wouldn't even wake up. Inwardly, I was jealous. There were conflicting feelings I experienced and I didn't really know what to say. I was happy we got to speak into her life and love on her. Maybe this meeting and experience would change the course of her life. Maybe she will toss the bible behind a bed and stumble upon it later. Maybe not, I just don't know. The human side of me was hurting and knew that we would not be going home with this baby. Not now, and probably not ever. We chatted about kids, family and our lives for about an hour.

She's beautiful. It wasn't a surprise, he was beautiful. It was good for us to meet. I felt like it gave us closure and allowed us to move past and trust that God was not surprised by any of it. We know he is good. He is faithful. He keeps his promises.

A lot of people who care for us were mad at her. Mad that we flew all the way down, did what we did, and came home "empty handed." I don't know that I was ever mad. I think that in God's graciousness, he protected me from thinking I went down deserving something. Right before we left, a couple guys from our missional community from church came and prayed over us. One of them said something to the effect of, "bless James and Melanie, even though they haven't earned it, can't earn it and don't deserve it." I agree. On my best day, when I get up early, pray, read, treat my kids well, use a park swing set as a mission tool to connect with my neighbors, treat my husband well and go to bed being the best I have ever been, I am still not worthy of the Lord's kindness. I am undeserving to a holy God, yet he still gives. And he takes away.

There is a lot I will be doing different as we move forward, though. As we were questioned about new birth moms and situations, I found that I questioned everything. Everything in our last situation that seemed good, wasn't necessarily. I asked our social worker GCAA if there was a formula to a birth mom who will do what the plan was. There isn't. There are not guarantees and no promises when dealing with human life.

One translation of Zion means, "the promise (land) to come". Zion wasn't ours to take home; he never was. It doesn't mean that this didn't hurt, because it did. However, I do trust that there is a promise to come. God is faithful and keeps his promises. He keeps his covenants with a broken people even when He doesn't have to.

I love Isaiah 52:7-8 which says,

(7)"How beautiful upon the mountains
are the feet of him who brings good news,
who publishes peace, who brings good news of happiness,
who publishes salvation,
who says to Zion, '"Your God reigns."'
(8) The voice of your watchmen--they lift
up their voice;
together they sing for joy;
for eye to eye they see
the return of the Lord to Zion."

We rest in the fact that our God reigns and this chapter has now closed. I may unintentionally burst into tears at inappropriate places, but I am grateful that the Lord has used this to strengthen us, challenge us and lead us to Him. My hope is that in this situation, the Lord would allow us to walk away with beautiful feet.

Thank you all for your prayers, your encouragement and being with us as we go through God's story together. This would not have gone down without the Lord leading us each step of the way.

Blessings,

Melanie & James

P.s. I listened to Lecrae a good part of the time while running outside in Memphis. I need to give a shout out to Lecrae's "Beautiful Feet" on this one...check out the song on YouTube if you like a little rap with a lot of meaning:)

Letters to Camille

2011-04-10T11:06:00.000-07:00

So, I stopped blogging once we started getting closer to the date of adoption because of some of the uncertainties that were to follow. Sometimes, I am overcome with self preservation for fear of what others think or pride and not knowing the right things to say. I think I have felt somewhat unworthy of this road that God has put us on because we are so stinking blessed and we don't deserve one ounce of that.

After we found out that our birth mother, Camille, had chosen us to adopt her son, I started writing letters to her. Because of the confidentiality I couldn't send anything, so I started a journal dated back to February 14, 2011, the Monday her choice was final with us. I would write to her about her, about me and our family and I would pray with her on paper. I often write my own prayers down on paper and thought I'd just include her in the dialogue. In the letters, I told her that we wanted to meet her and that we wanted to love on her and ultimately that we as a family were praying for an opportunity to share the gospel with her, as she has suffered significant loss in her young life and doesn't really have any sort of support.

We were blessed through generosity of many of you who are reading this, to be able to go through so quickly with this adoption. We felt that God was almost pushing us here because of the providence and provision. I would joke with James that we have just been standing on Mt. Moriah for the last 9 months and he has provided every stinking thing we needed.

Well, I found out a few weeks into writing the letters, that Camille had no intention of meeting us and really didn't want any sort of relationship. I respect that as a mother and a human. Each person grieves differently and she was offering us the most precious gift: a human life. She chose not to take that life, but rather to nurture it, keep it and give it; I would argue the hardest choice a mother would ever have to make. I quit writing after that because it sort of hurt me to write to this girl who would never read these letters.

In 'Fields of the Fatherless' by Tom Davis, one woman says this, "There is a price to pay for being obedient to God's call to care for the fatherless. The price your heart. The heart that was once mine, no longer belongs to me." As a believer and follower of Christ, I believe that we are called to take care of the widows, the orphans and the strangers. Our adoption has not been some sort of feel good humanitarian mission so we can 'save a child' from the projects or from poverty. We feel that this is a mandate our faith has placed on us. Yes, we want more children. Yes, this has become the desire of our heart, but we feel this was placed here by our King, our Creator.

I need to qualify this quickly. I do not think that you have to adopt a child to be obedient to the calling. My friend Michelle says that "if you're not going, you should be sending", meaning that we can help others to adopt financially, by encouragement, or any other way. Other ways I think we can follow the call to the widows, orphans and strangers are: help the single mom by babysitting her kids so she can go grocery shopping without screaming little ones, love on those widows who are lonely and sad, or maybe treating strangers, sojourners and homeless like they have souls, rather than those gross people who should shower and not ruin your dining experience by standing in front of the posh restaurant. As a family, we felt that this is how we can be obedient to the calling of the Lord that was already placed upon our hearts.

So, I started using the notebook for my own notes, and brought it with to Memphis as my personal journal to keep writing in. Our birth mom, Camille, had this beautiful baby boy at 8:26 a.m. April 8, 2011. He weighed 6 lbs 8 oz and was 19.5 inches long. If you saw the pictures, you saw that he was perfect with a full head of thick hair.

We were prepared to take him home as ours, love on him, and introduce him to his new brother and sister who were awaiting his arrival. We were able to see him for 2 hours on Friday and we sang to him, cried over him and loved him. We were asked not to return to the hospital until some of Camille's family were gone. The next morning, he hadn't eaten. Had he eaten, he would have been discharged into our care. But instead, he stayed and Camille wanted to see him. You probably saw the pictures, wouldn't you want to see him again? He ended up staying with her for the remainder of the day and as the day passed, she could not bear to give him to someone else.

She wanted to bring him home and introduce him to his brother and sister, awaiting their mommy's return. We received the official call last night over supper. We stood outside a Mexican restaurant in southwest Memphis while Camille cried into the phone and apologized for wasting our time. We had been praying for an opportunity to share the gospel with this girl, we just didn't realize this was how it was going to happen. I held the phone and bawled, while James talked. He shared with her that we weren't mad and that she is not a waste of our time.

James told her why we cared, that we were adopted into Christ's family. That Jesus is the perfect older brother who sacrificed so that we could be co-heirs with Him. He shared with her how we know that even though this baby will not be ours, that we feel that it was God's divine providence that brought us there to her and that we would always have this bond. He let her know that she is a part of the Lord's redeeming story and that because Jesus loves her, she can find freedom in his finished work on the cross.

We said our goodbyes and went back inside. I walked to the bathroom and sat in a stall and bawled while James braved the seats in the well lit restaurant. We were both pretty tired and spent a lot of the night re-capping God's story that we are just a part of. We do not feel wronged or forsaken. This isn't about us, it's about the fact that we have a redeemer and we know that this was not an adoption story gone bad. My other friend Michelle texted me last night and said to "cry on His shoulder, and lay at His feet." So, we weep. We mourn. We rejoice.

I took out the notebook last night and ripped out my to do lists, my notes and markings that wouldn't make sense and started another letter to Camille. We gave her our blessing, not that she needed it. I feel that it is Christ within me to press on and let it go. We went to church this morning with our social worker and were so blessed. This A29 church has an adoption ministry and our social worker was able to connect with them and also to go and be fed herself.

We bought the Storybook bible for Camille's other two children and sent it off with a blankie and the notebook of the letters to Camille. She called while we were eating to thank us. "It's not us," James said, "it's Him."

So, we are sitting in the hotel room, without much more to say right now. Crying a little, laughing a little and recognizing that we are at this point, just part of His story.

God did exactly what we asked Him to do, for His glory!

2011-02-27T14:38:00.000-08:00

I am yet again completely blown away at how amazing God truly is, as many of you reading this know, Melanie and I are adopting! What you may not know, is that when we realized that God laid it on our hearts to adopt, we had absolutely nothing financially to draw from in order to make that happen. In fact many might say that it was irresponsible to try and adopt a child with no money. I can't fully explain it but we knew God wanted us to do this. I could never have imagined what that would look like practically speaking. However we felt led to start the process and follow a philosophy that Pastor Brett used to plant the church body that we are a part of. It is a pretty basic philosophy, Keep moving forward until God stops you! He will either open the doors or slam them! Trust Him no matter what! So we started this journey.

We started to pray and seek Him. We decided to adopt on faith. I am not talking about blind faith or a leap of faith, I am talking about Biblical faith. Hebrews 11:1 defines faith as the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. We know that God does what He says and is who He says he is! The interesting this is, that in this process, sometimes we lost that solid grasp on faith and wavered at times. That is where I now know that God is faithful to the faithless. As I wrote the last time I posted on this blog, God came through in a big way and through a number of generous people with contributions of all sizes God answered prayer and showed us His enormous power and capability by putting it on someones heart to donate a sizable amount of money, and that changed not only our adoption process but also our lives completely!

What happened is that we realized even more that God is the God of the Bible and He is all that He says he is in His word. I can say that with great conviction because I know that our friend gave us that money out of love, but not just any old love. He would tell you right now that he gave that money because of the love Jesus showed him and the generosity that Christ shows all of us by becoming poor and dying on our behalf. It is the love and generosity that Jesus shows us in giving His life for us that we would be able to stand before the Father righteous, forgiven of all of our sin. That love and generosity motivated our friend and many others to give! With that we were changed, not by the dollar amount as much as we were changed by why he would give so generously. I am excited to say, that was not the end of what God was accomplishing!

There have been more hurdles and obstacles, there have been a number of other checks that have come in and some doors to fund raising closed and we have been putting in for grants and even came to the conclusion that we would borrow against our house if we have to in order to bring a child into our home that needs our love, and compassion and mostly a desire to raise them to know Jesus! We were selected by a mother much faster than we expected and found out that she is due April 12th. IT'S A BOY! With much uncertainty and questions like, Where is the rest of the money going to come from, here we are! We continue to pray for the mother and for our little one should God decide to place him with us. The story has takin another unsuspected turn!

This AM God moved again, I was handed another check, this one for $13,000. Our adoption is officially paid for! God did exactly what we asked Him to do, for His glory! Today I sit here in awe of the story that He has given us. I have to be honest, as good as this is I have to wonder, would I see Him in the same light if something really bad happened? After all He gives and He takes away. Right now I am overwhelmed by His majesty, His grace, His mercy, and all that He truly is! This story is not done, there is much to still be written in this adoption and in this life that He has givin my family and me, to glorify Him! I will say this, I am looking forward to the next thing God puts on our heart. Good or bad I know He is right here with us!

As I said the adoption is not final and many things could happen, yet I trust that whatever happens, God always does what is good, right, and perfect! Lastly, when asked why they gave, they said they wanted us to not have to worry about anything except bringing our little guy home! It was in these words that I was reminded of Philippians 4:6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And before that it says Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say rejoice. Let your reasonableness be made known to everyone. THE LORD IS AT HAND! That is obvious! Stay tuned to see what He does next! I would also like to say on behalf of my family, THANK YOU to all of you who have given to this amazing story, whether it was money, support, or prayer, we would not have come this far without you! Paise God! He is worth it!

To Him alone be the glory!
James Iverson

My breaking heart...

2010-12-30T22:12:00.000-08:00

It's been a month since anything has been posted, but so much has happened. We were almost finished with our home study when a roadblock postponed our journey by about 6 weeks. That was 3 weeks ago. Everyone we spoke with said that these things happen and we agreed. A couple close friends and people familiar with the adoption process said that maybe our baby wasn't ready, and when everything is said and done, we will look back and know that God's sovereignty was all over this.

What happened though, is we sort of got lazy. I stopped researching, studying and was still putting off taking our 10 hours of course work that was needed for the completion. As we got closer, I was reminded I needed to get it done and quickly bought the courses online and bought a book I was recommended to read.

The book is "Fields of the Fatherless" by Tom Davis and I think it has literally changed my life. This adoption started as a "mistake." I sometimes felt like we were just adopting because we were selfish and stupid. Now I am starting to see how huge God the Father really is and I am literally moved to tears. What was meant for evil can be redeemed. I have come to that realization that none of this is about me or my story. My story is fairly insignificant. This whole adoption picture is a reflection of our Heavenly Father, taking us in, adopting us as his own. Every person has a longing for something greater. Even Tom Brady said in an interview, after countless victories, millions of dollars, beautiful women etc., that there is just something more. There is a longing that must be filled.

The eighteenth-century British philosopher, Edmund Burke, said this, "The definition of evil in the world is when good men and women see injustice and do nothing." I read that and was a little uncomfortable. It still makes me uncomfortable because there is a fear that I will write these things, and I will do this now and my fear is in a year, my life won't look any different. And, frankly, it's not doing something just for the sake of humanity, but because each an every person out there is not merely a statistic; they have hearts, souls, desires and dreams. They cry, they laugh, they sing.

One of the resources I saw was a video link for InvisibleChildren.com. When I downloaded it, I didn't find what I thought was right, but started watching anyway. It was about three guys who flew to Africa right as the war in Iraq had started. I watched, and they were funny, so I figured even if it was wrong, it was passing time while giving plasma.

I had to finish watching the video at home. This is how it happened: I put on my Asics running shoes I bought at Scheel's for a race, Puma shorts that I bought at the mega Scheel's, and a t-shirt I bought on vacation at Mazatlan. I downloaded the video to my DroidX and walked on my NordicTrack. As I walked and watched, I bawled. Here I am, trying to work off the holiday weight so I can get back into my skinny jeans comfortably and I am watching a documentary about children in Uganda running from rebels so that they aren't abducted and forced to kill other children. I watched 5-year-old boys carry guns as trained 'assassins'. That boy is Carter's age. We are the same, but I live here, and they live there.

I'm not saying you are a horrible person if you shop at Scheel's, or walk on a treadmill, or enjoy the blessings you have in your life, etc. But I plead with you to watch this short film and think how you could help. How you can be your brother's keeper. How you can influence the widow, orphan or stranger in your context.

No one really likes watching and reading those things, because frankly it's sad and I don't have time to sort it out, or adopt or feed each child. But at the end of the video, this boy cried and just asked that someone remember them. I don't ever want to forget it. I don't know where this will lead us. I don't know how it will happen, all I know is that my heart's desire is for joy and peace, not just mere happiness. I don't want to become heavy with accumulated stuff that is so temporal. I want to impact people, lives, children, the broken and the hurting.

I don't know if I ever would have stumbled on this had I rushed through the last couple weeks because I never would have taken the time to look it up. I was so excited to rush through the home study, I wasn't taking time with God, relishing his work, his plan and his power. I was faced with myself and was forced to quiet down just a bit, and I am sincerely grateful for it.

We know this first adoption will be domestic, but I am already working on James and praying for the next adoption or area of ministry. I am asking God, "...what did you bless me with, that I could share to help another?" I will fail. I will be overcome with selfishness. I will buy something I don't need or dwell on something that is insignificant. I am not perfect. I am merely faced with my brokenness and desperately want to make a change. Maybe it won't even be a ripple in the grand scheme of life. But maybe it will.

It keeps going...

2010-11-28T14:03:00.000-08:00

We are almost complete with our home study. We have started receiving e-mails from our social worker Lindsey and we are so excited about what God has been doing.

In the United States, with the agency we are using, this is how it works:

1. Complete the home study--which has been about a 3 month long project
2. Start filling out paperwork for grants, etc.
3. Create a profile book--which is a book about your family, interests, what we do on a day to day basis and it ends with a letter to the expectant mom and dad that we write.
4. We are waiting for the rest of our profile books to print and then we give those to Lindsey, who then (with our permission on each case) will send them to the mom and dad of the baby. Then mom and dad look at 5-6 profile books and decide who they want to be the adoptive parents of their child. We find out the exact cost (as it differs slightly with each case depending on lawyer feeds, expenses for a mom who doesn't have medical care or who isn't being provided for by the father of the child, agency fees, etc.)

The e-mails we get are a basic, confidential profile stating the age of mom and dad and involvement of parents in the process. Some immediately state that they will give up their parental rights, whereas others say, dad might want to parent, mom knows she can't. It's so complicated and it's difficult because I just want to pour my heart into the first e-mail I got for parents and say, "US, US!!! PICK US!" but obviously, that's just not how it is.

At first, it was easy to look at mom and dad as just the biological DNA, but as we continue on, I am reminded that these parents are faced with the hardest decision of their lives and each one of them has a soul. Each one has a life, dreams, goals, hopes and desires for their lives. Some are going back to school and just know they can't handle it. Others may not have as great as ambitions, but at the end of the day, they go to sleep every night hoping that the next day is better, they'll get more done and they will do the best they can with what they have.

So much has changed since we began. A couple weeks ago, we were gender specific, on a female, based on the fact that Graycie is the only girl on both sides of the family thus far. We only wanted a distant adoption, so there would be no fear involved of a mom or dad showing up on the doorstep saying, "can I just come and see..." etc. I have had somewhat of a closed hand on the subject of what I am comfortable with. We were encouraged to open our scope from just girls to the unknown, and agreed that we never chose that Graycie was a girl and Carter was a boy, but that God knew that while he formed them in my womb. So, why now try to force his hand in that?

We were recently faced with a decision of a local adoption as well and I felt that God was asking me, "Is this about you and your comfort level, or is this about me? Do you trust me or not?" It's somewhat scary, but I often wonder how much do I make decisions out of what my heart is comfortable with? I often hide behind self-preservation, acting as if it's just utilizing discernment, when really, is it? I have found that it could be, but lately it hasn't been the discernment, but a fear of getting hurt. A fear of attaching to a child and being so afraid that someone will want our baby back. A fear that I won't be able to recover from a broken heart. There are obvious things we would do with a local adoption in the spirit of wisdom, but have felt that I need to trust in Him more and more and this seems to be the platform He is using to challenge those beliefs and patterns of preservation of mine.

So, at this point, I have no idea what is going to happen, what we will get or when. All I know is I want to be a mommy to a child and show them a good family where it is safe and there is love and protection. I am excited for my children to meet their new sibling...and Carter, now has indicated that he has a little brother he is taking with him everywhere, which is a yellow elephant. We'll have to discuss the issue of pulling siblings by the ears, but that should be easy. The elephant's name is, "Elephant" and I'm making the executive decision right now, that baby's name will not be "Baby."

We are so good, so blessed and encouraged by the continued support through prayer, support from the random checks in the mail with notes encouraging us in this 'mission field' we are on, and the people who literally have come out of the woodwork of crazy stories of their own families who have adopted.

Thank you so much. melanie & james

Words can't describe what words can't describe...

2010-11-15T11:15:00.000-08:00

Well, if you have read James' post, this might seem a little redundant. Last Tuesday, both of us were hitting brick walls in this process. What I thought was going to go through, wasn't and the way it "was supposed to happen" wasn't happening. I took last Tuesday afternoon to be quiet, read and realize that I wasn't seeking the Lord as my refuge, or safe place amidst the chaos. I was seeking financial security and affirmation, or a pat on the back, from those around me to push forward. The problem with that, is money comes and goes and all belongs to God--so it means little. Second, as much as I might want someone's approval, it amounts to nothing and it doesn't really matter whether critics and cynics agree.

I have been insecure that we are going about it the wrong way and maybe we should have waited for the house to sell, or for the savings to be full, or to not feel overwhelmed anymore. The only thing about relying solely on pragmatic thinking, is that it leaves little room for faith--and unfortunately, I have a tendency to do everything on my to do list and try and take credit for God's handiwork.

Last Wednesday, someone handed James a recycled envelope with the once intended recipient crossed out and our names written in ballpoint pen. It was a check for $10,000 for the adoption. Because I never have the appropriate response (it seems like my emotions are always about a week behind) I sat there stunned while James wept for joy.

I insisted that James call this person, and he did. The person simply said that he felt the Lord leading him to get rid of some money and he wanted to help us with the adoption. He only requested to remain anonymous because he wanted God alone to receive the glory.

It makes 'sense' for someone with a great job, or for a retired person to gift someone something like that, but not a young person in their twenties. I am also humbled by all the others who have decided to move forward in the One of 2 fundraiser as well. James and I joked that this sort of stuff happens to good people and so we're not really sure why we are in the middle of it. I'm struck by God's grace and mercy and am convinced that it confirms that God uses fools sometimes to complete his will.

We met with the social worker on Friday to go through the last parts of our home study and to talk about the remainder of the process. I asked if it was about 4-6 months away from the actual placement and she stated that it could be closer than that!

Thank you all for your continued prayers and support. We appreciate every bit of it and absolutely feel that we're living in Acts 2. Our pastor asked us to share briefly yesterday at church about this story. When we were through, our missional community surrounded us and the leader prayed. I love the image of these people surrounding us in this and know that the circle is much bigger than what was at the front of the church yesterday. I feel that my level of gratitude cannot be expressed anymore because words can't describe what words can't describe. m

As a "believer" I have lived in such an unbelieving way! (A Note from James)

2010-11-04T13:58:00.000-07:00

Mel asked me to join her in blogging about our adoption. I have been telling myself I need to get after it and get it done. In light of some recent events I was moved to write last night and we decided to post that here! I am not sure why but I also feel compelled to say that I am as excited for this adoption as Mel is and we are in this 100% together as a family! This is my heart from last night!

I don't even know where to begin, so I will just start by saying this is my heart and I just want to write what I know to be true! I am well aware of those who would say what I believe is untrue and some would say that what I believe is weird and out there, and others would say well it works for you, but not for me! I understand. I am not going to get into all the arguments and things like that. However what I do want to do is give glory and credit where credit is due. I am reminded of something the Bible says "If God is for us, who can be against us?"

The reason I am writing this is to tell a little bit of the story of my life and how God has absolutely changed my life, he has given me a new heart, and only God has the power to change the human heart! I know that God has changed my heart and continues to change my heart through the power of the Gospel of Jesus Christ! I am the kind of guy who is always working an angle, selfish, self centered, self obsessed, always thinking how my next move can benefit me. If you knew me before you would know that I was even worse, praise God for the work He has already done in my heart! Philippians 1:6 says And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ! Even today I need to recognize how selfish I can be! I hate to say it but if you only knew!! By the grace of God and Jesus Christ's finished work on the cross I am forgiven and righteous before God the Father! It is important for me to tell you that I don't deserve it, that's what makes it grace! I also should add that there is much more than just selfishness going on in my life as a broken man trying to rest in what Christ has done!

I say all this to show that God is faithful to the faithless, I have been realizing that when I have fear, or anxiety, or worry, I am not resting in the fact that God is my provider! I am not believing that He can do all things! My wife and I have been praying through and talking about adoption ever since I selfishly bullied her into being "OK" with me getting a vasectomy. I did not want any more kids as 2 was plenty! Not realizing that as a woman, my wifes desire to be a mom and love and nurture our children and have children was not a bad thing, it was written on her heart by God, and I selfishly took that away! My heart breaks for the moms who want to stay home with their children and can't b/c choices have been made. I often wonder if some of these women were asked, when their kids are all grown and living their lives, if they could have it to do all over again would they do it differently? I can't even begin to tell you the change I saw in my children when Mel started staying home with them! And the relationship she has with them today! No amount of money in the work place could compensate for what she does in our home! I want to publicly say that my wife is the pulse of our family, 2nd only to Jesus!

So when we talked with another couple who was adopting, they told us their story of how God had been moving in their life and their adoption, I began to cry as a realized there was redemption. I knew in my heart that God had just shown me a way to redeem what I had taken away from Mel! Some time passed and God continued to change our hearts, when Mel talked with me and we decided to move forward and adopt! I am sure that I am missing some details and that Mel would be happy to fill them in! We then started to go through the process and we got 1/2 way through the home study when we got the first bill $1400. Well needless to say the doubt set in and we were hit with unbelief. Did we make a mistake? Are we sure this is the right thing? This is only the 1st payment, if we can't make this how are we going to do the rest? Discouraged is an understatement! I was having a bad day and so was Mel! I spoke with Pastor Brett and realized that I was not trusting in God as our provider! I also forgot that all the money on this planet happens to be Gods, yup even the money in your pocket! LOL, I believe that now! By the end of the day Mel and I decided that we would trust in God in this adoption and that what we were doing was the right thing as we were going to give a child a chance to have a forever family and a shot at being loved by a mommy who was created by God to love her and love her well with a love that she sees in Jesus Christ!

Last night we took time to talk and pray to the God of the Bible, and then today we had what looked like a normal day until we were absolutely blown away by God and His amazing generosity! I was given an envelope and all he said was "I just wanted to help you guys with your adoption!" I was like "hey thanks man" and I put it in my pocket. When Mel got home I said hey we got an envelope from_______ and I opened it! The first thing I looked at was the amount in the little box. $10,000.00 I looked at Mel and said this is not real, I have to admit that there was part of me that was upset that he would do something like this! It is amazing how fast thoughts can go through your mind. I then checked the print in case there was just a misplaced coma or decibel point. Ten thousand dollars! I started to weep as I realized that God had just answered our prayer in a way that only the Creator of all things could! I was then reminded of something I have heard " who are we that you are mindful of us?" So I called him and he very politely said that God had been putting on his heart that he should get rid of some money and he wanted to help us out! He later sent a text that said, "Hey all I ask is that you don't tell people that I gave you money because I don't want a bunch of praise or anything like that. To God alone be the glory." TO GOD ALONE BE THE GLORY! I have heard stories like these but it is usually people who have 10 X's the faith that I have! But I guess that depends on how you define faith! I don't think it has anything to do with "leap of" I think God defines it in his scriptures. Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the ASSURANCE of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

I BELIEVE!

If more people loved like Jesus Christ imagine what the world would look like!

I apologize to all that my life has not always looked like a life lived for Jesus who shed His blood for me! But by His grace and mercy I will continue to grow into the man he created me to be!

Have Faith! Love like Jesus!

Wowsa...

2010-10-29T13:24:00.000-07:00

Hello Friends,

As we finish up October, I am amazed that it could be just as close as 8 months from now that we could have new "Baby Iverson" in our home. There is so much going on as we start our fund raising process, that I am almost stunned-still. I am feeling like I'm not doing enough, and I'm reminded of Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!" and in that, it reminds me, that this is not about me.

I don't feel like I have 'wanted' for a lot of things that I couldn't have. As it turns out, I am so stinking blessed, it's not really funny. I have liked to be the person who tries to help others, so as I sit in this position, relying solely on God and how He uses other people, I am challenged beyond what I have ever been challenged. People always say, "let go and let God" or, "we're just trusting in God for this" and to be honest, I have said that, and then turned around to do what I need to do to get what I want. So, as James says, "It's time to put our money where our mouth is!"

We are at a slight halt in the process, as the homestudy cannot go forward without a check in the mail to the agency. We have some, but not all of what needs to be sent. So, I am marketing my furniture a bit more aggressively online and have made some post cards to: 1. let people know, who don't already, what our mission is in this adoption, and 2. to see if anyone wants to join us to partner in this with our family.

I have never done a missions trip based on fund raising and the only way I have done things similar is to sell a ticket so someone gets to attend an event...which just pays for an experience that is tangible, I guess. So, I will be sending these out shortly and it is absolutely an exercise of dropping to my knees, leveling my pride and asking for help. Even now, as I type, I am mulling over each word, for fear of what others might think and debating each statement. In reality, it doesn't really matter what I say or where I strategically place each coma and period. I really believe that God absolutely has control over this situation and know that we will press on, until we are forced to stop or until our daughter gets to come home.

We will be dedicating Carter and Gracyie at church Sunday and will be able to share a bit more about what God is doing and has done in our hearts and lives. In the mean time, the need, as it is currently, would be to prayerfully anticipate 13 people from our 'One of 200' cards, to feel compelled to move on this with us at this stage.

If you have sent me your address, thank you! If not and you want to, please shoot me an e-mail, fb or text. Thanks for your continued encouragement and love. melanie

Quick Note...

2010-10-18T15:02:00.000-07:00

Hello Friends! I wanted to post a quick link for our first efforts at fundraising. It's called Just Love Coffee and it's an organization set up to help people who are trying to raise the funds for an adoption!

Being that we have a boat load of people we know who love coffee, I thought this organization would be a perfect avenue for our fundraising efforts. Please check out the link and purchase some coffee. The organization supports orphans and their families, families who are fundraising for orphans and the Fair Trade farmers. We will receive $5 for each bag of coffee purchased and so each bag really helps.

Thanks for your continued support!

Iversons

http://www.justlovecoffee.com/iversonblessings

Home Study II

2010-10-12T19:07:00.000-07:00

So, I didn't talk much about our first home study in the last blog. The first one we mostly went through our families of origin and seriously, if we weren't disqualified from it there, we should be good to go!

This second home study was on Saturday morning and we talked about our marriage. It's funny, but they really have to analyze everything in these studies. As we went through and dissected our strengths and weaknesses, it was surprising how honest we were about our struggles. One would think that you would put your best foot forward, but instead, I felt like we were baring quite a lot. I think Lindsey, our SW, must bring the honesty out in us!

Needless to say, after the tears were wiped, and our failures as spouses exposed, I felt strangely closer to James. In our marriage, we have had such ups and downs, but the best part is that our level of transparency with one another has absolutely increased. I think that going into marriage, we say things like, "yeah, I know it'll be hard" and "sure, we know we'll have to work at it," but I think secretly, in the stillness of our hearts, we often mislead ourselves to think, "but we're different because..." or "we're going to try harder than they did" etc, etc. But the reality is that in this process of sanctification, it usually has to get rough before it gets authentically better.

We, like gold, go through that refining process; the gold must be tested at such high heat that all the impurities are brought to the surface, so that the one crafting it can skim those impurities off the top and make their masterpiece a better quality at the end.

At this time, that's where we are. Going through the fire, being tested and ultimately trusting that our Creator is crafting us in such a way to make us better parents, friends and lovers. I love the quote by Gary Thomas in Sacred Marriage where he says: "Contempt is conceived with expectations. Respect is conceived with expressions of gratitude. We can choose which one we will obsess over--expectations, or thanksgivings."

In this process of adoption, we are coming against a number of obstacles and it's easy to be overcome with self-doubt, fear and anxiety. It's easy to think to myself, maybe we're not ready because we're so immature sometimes, or maybe once we stop having stupid fights over which thing in the budget stays or goes, we should move forward. I think that we are just in a lifelong process of refining and 'the time' will never come. Despite any book you read or counseling you receive, no one is 'ready' for life. We make choices, which shapes our lives and perceptions and right now, we're we're choosing this. Until the door closes, we're moving forward.

So, thanks friends, for sitting in the front seat and watching it unfold. m

Here Goes!

2010-10-06T21:29:00.000-07:00

I'm not really sure where to start! Almost 2 1/2 years ago, my heart started to ache for more children. James and I wrestled for a long time whether or not we should reverse a vasectomy that we both agreed should never have been agreed upon. I personally spent a couple years asking the Lord to examine my heart...did I just want to be pregnant again? Did I think more children would simply complete me as a mother or the family as a whole? As I took time to dig deeper in my soul, I believe the Lord transformed on my heart, convicted me of my idols and strengthened what he, himself gave me.

The reality is I did love being pregnant and as I read the stories of Rachel and Hannah in the OT, I found my heart breaking. I had two healthy children, that are amazing and such a joy, but there was something that wasn't quite right. In our rush to grow up and travel and buy the things that would somehow fulfill us, I believe we missed something much deeper.

I remember a cold winter afternoon in January of 2009, Michelle Cody, my mentor and good friend, responded to my teary desires over a cup of coffee at the kitchen table. I expected she would give me a verse about the desires of my heart being good or something, but what I got was: "Well, sometimes we feel the pain from the consequences of our decisions, but what we mess up, God can make into good." I was hoping for a story of someone like me, who miraculously had children despite themselves and I did not feel like she delivered!

Now, I see the wisdom and strength in it. As time went on, we ran into more and more families who had gone through the adoption process or were going through it. My sister's brother and sister-in-law adopted two adorable boys, who were biological brothers. I would hear the stories of their first holiday's together where these brother's would walk up and say, "...so, you're my AUNT?" and how that was such a new concept because these boys had no family to speak of.

We met up with friends at church who had ridiculous stories about God's timing and sovereignty in their adoption and birthing processes and how that inspired the two of us to move forward. We started researching other countries and trying to figure out where we wanted to adopt this third Iverson baby from. We met with a couple whom we respect and I remember one of them saying, "God probably isn't going to care which place you adopt from; he is probably just going to ask if you were faithful to what you feel he is calling you to do."

So with that, this summer, we started contacting adoption agencies and finding which one would be the best fit. That is when Joni, my good friend and neighbor, introduced me to a friend who connected me with God's Children Adoption Agency, in Fergus Falls. I met with a social worker, who wasn't what I expected.

She walked into my entry in a pink sundress, black flip-flops with matching black toenail polish and a cool tattoo. We talked about adoption and her agency and although I think I was being covertly interviewed, I felt like I wanted to invite her back for a play-date with our kids. We set up an exchange of paperwork and it all began.

We had our first home study a week ago and our next one is tomorrow. The process starts with the 3-4 month long home study, and then it could be anywhere from 4-6 more months before we have a baby...which is stinking fast, if it goes that way!

I think we'll be planning events to raise some of the funds, which cover the cost of living expenses for the mom, administrative fees for time spent dealing with our paperwork, and unfortunately to offset the cost of advertising and PR. We have started reviewing grants and loans and will be selling anything that isn't nailed down to help in the process.

If you are reading...and you got all the way here...sorry for the novel, I ask a couple things: first, please pray. We know for a fact that this will not happen unless the Lord wills it. We trust that whatever the outcome, it will bring him glory and we want that to be the focus. Second, if you have time or ideas, I'm all ears on how to move the process along. I'm flying blind but willing to learn! Lastly, please get the word out. Any sort of word of mouth for the cause of adoption is helpful and anything helps offset these costs. It's not as far out of reach as I thought it was and I am so encouraged to see it moving along.

Until next posting, thanks for reading, praying and caring. melanie